


Balancing On a Tightrope

by betterrxality



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Clemmings, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of self-harm, Muke - Freeform, i had an idea and this happened, idk what this is tbh, luke is mute and mikey just wants to make him better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-02-09 05:14:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1970313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betterrxality/pseuds/betterrxality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke's struggling with his inner demons, and he's worried nothing will ever change. Will Michael be the safety net to catch him when he wobbles?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ;;Chapter One;;

**Author's Note:**

> This came from an idea that I had at like 3am, and I'm not quite sure how it came about- I'm just really pumped about this story.

The blond boy wasn't sure how long the darkness had consumed him for; it had just always been there- whether it is in the background of his mind or controlling his every thought. It was there. Luke had been in the treatment center for 3 weeks now, and he'd not once spoken; everyone said it was better to speak about how you felt, but was it really when all you did was bring the other person down. Did it matter that they were trained for it? If they were trained for it, did they really care? There hadn't been a visitor for Luke whilst he'd been here, maybe his parents hated him; maybe it was the fact that their happy young boy from a couple of years was practically non-existent. Now he was their depressed son that nobody really bothered about. Even though his family cared about him, they couldn't see him like this or maybe they wouldn't see him like this; either way no one had been to see him.

Luke spent another day sat at that table alone, sapphire hues vacant as he stared out the window that overlooked the field outside the treatment center. His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he stared at the vacant place; it was so isolated- almost as if they wanted to separate the walking dead from the living. That's all they were; walking dead. The blond looked down at his still bandaged wrists, maybe if they didn't make him write that note he wouldn't be here. He'd have done it and all this would be over; but maybe they had different plans for him. There was so much he hadn't experienced, love being one of them but who could love such a broken boy? Would anyone even be able to love him? He was so broken, so stuck in the swirling pit of depression that consumed him. His therapist here tended to just talk at him and he'd listen, of course he would. Luke always listened; it didn't mean he followed her advice though. 

Michael glanced around, he'd been volunteering here for six months; he didn't do anything special just helped with meals and talked to patients who wanted to be talked to. There was one boy though, around his age who had appeared a couple of weeks ago- the head nurse had told him to stay away at least until the blond boy began talking. Michael knew that he'd be breaking every rule by going over and sitting with the other boy, but he'd never seen him with a visitor and he guessed he pitied him. How awful it must be to be stuck in a place like this night after night and not have anybody make the effort to see you. At least Michael could leave whenever he wanted.

The eighteen year old slowly made his way toward the blond boy; he'd heard him being referred to as Lucas so he figured that was his name. Michael hesitantly sat facing him, tugging his jumper sleeves down over his hands as he let his eyes flicker over the other boy. He looked a mess. The boy had purplish bruises under his eyes, quite clearly showing lack of sleep- he understood that one; a place like this, it was bound to be difficult when he tried to sleep. Michael cleared his throat slightly, trying to catch the other's attention; his eyes watching him carefully. He didn't want to startle the other boy and cause him to retreat to his room, as weird as it was; Michael wanted to get to know the boy in front of him.

Luke glanced up, a look of surprise on his face; there was someone there to see him. Granted he wasn't sure who he was, he'd seen him around before but he didn't really know him. The blond forced a smile onto his face, after all; first impressions were everything. "I'm Michael, and you're...Luke. Am I right?" The male in front of him questioned, he was surprised that the other knew who he was but he nodded in response. "You don't have to talk to me; I just thought you'd like some company." Michael added, nervously tugging on his sweater. Luke wasn't sure why the other boy was nervous about talking to him; he wasn't sure who could be nervous about talking to him. He was a screwed up eighteen year old who had nothing better to do than sit in a treatment center staring out of the window because he was too god damn stubborn to talk to anyone.

Michael glanced at the boy and ran his fingers through his currently red hair; he shifted in his seat as he studied Luke. "We don't have to sit here if you don't want to, we can go somewhere else?" He hoped that he'd want to go somewhere else, maybe Luke would say something if they went somewhere quieter. Or at least somewhere he felt more at ease, a small smile tugged on his plump lips as Luke stood and motioned with his head for Michael to follow him. He wasn't sure where they were going to go, most people went to the social area- well, it was supposed to be social but hardly anyone went in there; and Michael didn't blame them. It was a whitewashed room, with bars on the window- he understood that people wanted to get away but he didn't think they'd go to the effort of trying to break double-glazed windows. Michael padded a few steps behind Luke, not wanting to make the blond uncomfortable especially given that he hadn't spoken to anyone. 

Luke was surprised that Michael was still around, most people after being sat with him for a couple of minutes gave up; so he was hoping that maybe Michael wouldn't. Luke pushed open the door to his room, and waited for the other boy to walk in before him and he shut the door; a light shrug on his shoulders before he plopped down in the middle of the single bed. He'd tried to recreate the feel of his old bedroom at home; band posters plastered to the wall, his cds scattered in the corner- not that he had a way to play them just yet. His mum had promised that she'd bring him the old CD player- but she never came to see him.

Somehow, Michael managed to stay with Luke for a couple of hours, he lazed on the floor whilst the blond sat on the bed; listening to everything he was saying. And properly listening. He had to admit he was pretty upset when the other boy had to leave, but he promised he'd come back the next day.

_Dear Diary,_  
Does anyone even say that anymore? Anyway, my therapist told me to write a diary about how I feel so here I am. I feel empty, or at least I did this morning. When I was staring out that window, I felt like I had nothing; but now- I feel different. I met Michael today, he only volunteers three days a week, and I'm not even sure he'll come to see me again. He told me he would, but so many people have made promises they couldn't keep that I don't believe anyone anymore. He told me he liked the bands I listened too, and that we had more in common than I knew- whatever that was supposed to mean. It's getting late now; I should probably sleep if I can. I hope Michael comes back again tomorrow, even though I'm alone. He made me realize, that maybe I won't be alone forever.  
Love, Lucas. 

**So this is my first proper chapter, i really hope you enjoy it. If you have any ideas feel free to comment or you can message me on my Tumblr; rxcklessluke.**


	2. Chapter 2

The darkness isn't there all the time, but when it is; it's crushing. Almost like it was suffocating him; making him feel like his lungs were going to explode- that all the oxygen in the world couldn't help him breathe properly. That it needed to stop.

**Everything needed to stop.**

His mind swam with the thoughts he had, he was so far gone that nothing could bring him back. Their grip on him was too strong- they clouded his mind, took over him. Everyday tasks became chores, leaving his bed was an accomplishment for Luke. He needed to escape the darkness before it consumed him, before it destroyed his dignity; the demons had took everything else.

His self-esteem. Gone. Insecurities now in the place; everything he did- was wrong. There went his self-belief. The demons made him shut out the world- they'd taken his friends away from him too. The lights went out in his room- and the door locked; where's your family now Lucas?

They left him with: the darkness, the demons and himself. The blond found a paper bag, scrawled an apology and slid it into the hallway. The boy hoped they'd leave him, hoped one of his brothers would scoop it up and ignore it as something that had fell from someone's bag. But Luke wasn't that lucky, or maybe he was.

Luke arrived to the the psych hospital 3 hours later. Wrists bandaged, eyes dead and deathly quiet. The only thing running through his mind, "Why didn't the demons just let me die?" That's all he wanted to do, get out of this god damn place; and by this place he meant the world. Luke just wanted everything to leave him alone.


	3. Chapter 2

_Dear Diary,_

_Michael didn't come to see me today... I didn't think he would but I guess it was just something for me to look forward too. My therapist keeps telling me that I should speak that it would help me, but I don't want to speak. Why doesn't anyone understand that? I was contemplating maybe talking to Michael, but that doesn't seem to be an option anymore. I'm just here, existing. I feel like I shouldn't be. I should have been gone a long time ago. I just don't know why I'm still here. Why I thought people actually cared about me...._

Michael sighed as he made his way into the center, it had been far too long since he had last been here but the only thing- the only person- on his mind was Luke. He'd promised the blond that he'd be back to see him the next day; but he wasn't. He'd not been here in almost a week, family commitments got in the way. The lilac haired boy walked through the corridor, signing in and glancing around; this first thing he wanted to do was find Luke and apologize. Then he was going to give him something, but that could wait a while. 

The blond was sat alone in his room, eyes fixed on the peeling ceiling. He couldn't believe that this was happening; he was so hung up on the other boy that had came to see him. Granted, it was Michael's job. Sort of, but still- he shouldn't be this upset about it. A small whimper left his lips as tears came to his eyes, he wasn't sure why he wanted to cry but he did. The boy covered his face with his hands and began crying, his shoulders shaking and his eyes burning. It was the kind of crying that made your heart stop, and your lungs burn for air and that was the crying that Luke always did. 

Michael glanced around and slowly made his way toward the room he'd wanted to go in for the past week, he was hesitant about going. Luke probably hated him now, hated the fact that he'd been left alone here. The boy knocked slightly on Luke's door before stepping inside- it was sort of a rule that volunteers and workers just walked into someone's room but he wasn't prepared for what he saw. The boy slowly walked toward a shaking Luke, quietly sitting down beside him. "Come here, Luke." He whispered, opening his arms.

Luke gasped slightly, his chest heaving as he sobbed. The blond boy looked up and sniffled as he heard Michael's voice, as angry as he was at him. He needed someone. Luke crawled along the bed until he was in Michael's arms, his face hidden in his shoulder as the sobs continued wracking through his frail frame. Michael rubbed his hand up and down Luke's back, trying to soothe the boy. A small whimper slipped through his lips as he calmed down, his hands clutching to Michael's shirt as he cried. 

Michael played with the other boy's hair, waiting for him to calm down; "It's okay. It's gonna be okay." He mumbled, rubbing the others back slightly. As soon as Luke was calm, he released him; not wanting to be imposing on his personal space rules. "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you when I promised I would. I had a family emergency." Michael told him, glancing at the other boy. He knew that Luke deserved a better explanation than that but he couldn't give one- not without letting Luke know that maybe they were more alike than anybody actually knew. "Oh...I brought you these," from the bag he'd dumped on the floor he brought out a CD and a portable CD player. "It's just a CD of a couple of my favourite songs and I thought...you'd need something to listen to them on." Michael carefully placed them down in the middle of the bed, a small smile tugging on the corners of his pale lips.

Luke stared at the lilac haired boy, he was pretty sure he had green hair last time he saw him; but oh well. Luke furrowed his brow at the others words then nearly burst into tears again, Michael had remembered. The blond couldn't help the small smile that formed on his plump lips; his eyes flickering over Michael's form on the edge of his bed. The boy didn't want to speak, but he didn't know what else to do. "Thank you." Luke croaked, his voice was gravelly and hoarse from not being used for weeks by that didn't stop Michael grinning. "No problem, I just wanted to say sorry you know?" He asked quietly, before shifting so that the two boys were sat facing each other. "There's a couple songs you might not know, but I starred my favourites." 

Michael left as the sun went down, leaving Luke along with the CD player and his thoughts. The day had started out horrible for him, crying in his room; a diary entry questioning why he was still here and now he didn't seem to feel as bad. The blond slowly pushed himself up from his bed and opened the CD that Michael had made and looked down at a note that fluttered out, 'Don't miss me too much. I promise I'll always come back.' A slight smile tugged on his lips as he stared at it, this was the first time he'd felt happy; or something distinctly close to that emotion.

_Dear Diary,_

_Maybe Michael isn't so bad after all, or like everyone else who makes promises and doesn't keep them. Maybe he's one of those rare ones. A bit like a pokemon. I'm listening to the CD that Michael made and I can't help but wonder why he starred the tracks he did. Maybe he was trying to tell me something? I don't know. I might ask him when I see him again. Or not. I'm not sure, it's late- I think. I loose track of time here. I don't have a watch, or a phone. What am I going to do with a phone? Seriously._

**Okay, so if you think the story is going too fast; I promise that nothing is going to happen between them for a while. I don't want to rush things, if you have any ideas for what could happen or what you'd like to see....leave me a comment or message my tumblr; rxcklessluke**


	4. ;;Chapter three;;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long overdue and I apologize, I had a real bad bout of writers block when I came to this story. But hopefully, I'm all good now. I haven't edited so any mistakes are my own.

**//Some parts of this chapter may be trigger; this is just a brief warning. It's nothing too bad, I just wanted too let you know.**

Luke laid on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as he listened to the CD that Michael had made him. It made him feel closer to him in a way, he'd given him a CD of his favourite songs; and that made Luke smile- even though he was convinced he'd never smile again. The boy rubbed his eyes and rolled onto his side, eyes staring at the walls covered in faded band posters. He was beginning to believe that he was just getting worse, just sitting here: minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day... Who wanted to do that? He was only getting worse. It wasn't the best way to cope with depression, doing nothing. Sometimes, Luke wished that he could go back home; go back to hiding his demons, go back to hurting himself and covering it up. Luke missed it, he craved it. He wanted to be able to drag that cool blade across his skin, one last time. He knew he'd done it before he attempted too off himself, but that wasn't the same. He couldn't savour it. It sounded sick. That he enjoyed it. But he'd been doing it for so long that it became a part of him. Just something that was always there, something he always relied on. His fingers tugged at the bandages that still adorned his pale wrists, wondering if sometimes he'd be able to find a way to do it in here. To see if he could add new marks without anyone noticing, no one really paid attention to him anyway. No one but Michael and lately, Michael hadn't been around much. Well, he had. Michael had been everywhere but his room. And to be honest, Luke wondered whether it was him. Whether he had done something the last time he'd been in the room to put him off. 

The blond boy took a deep breath and stopped the CD, it was lunch time. Not that food was particularly appealing lately, but he had to go. Luke carefully got off his bed, sliding on his vans and making his way down to the canteen. There he was, sat at a table with a group of other boys and girls about Luke's age. He knew that it was too good to be true, Michael had found other people. Probably people that actually talked and actually made the attempt to smile to associate with. Luke grabbed his usual sandwich and bottle of water before going to sit on the far side of the room, gaze fixed on the stream outside. Luke wondered what it would be like if he wasn't here; sure his parents and brothers would miss him. Maybe even Calum back home, but no one else would. Not even Michael, he was just another person that he had to work with. 

Michael glanced up from the group of people he was with when Luke entered the room, he seemed different. Usually, Luke had a certain aura about him but not today. His eyes weren't as sparkly as usual, they were dull- almost grey rather than the sky blue they usually were. The older boy excused himself from the group and slowly made his way toward the blond, he wondered what he was thinking of. What was making him so upset, maybe it was him? Michael cleared his throat to alert the blond of his presence before sitting opposite him. "Hey Luke," he smiled, folding his legs underneath him. 

Was he being serious right now? Michael hadn't spoken to him in days and here he was, acting as though they were best friends. Luke just blinked and shook his head, standing up and leaving the untouched sandwich and bottle of water on the table and walked away. Luke knew it was harsh, Michael wasn't his person. He was only a volunteer. He was welcome to do whatever he wanted. The blond slunk back to his room and slammed the door behind him, he was so stupid. He became too attached, too easily and it was his downfall. It always had been. Luke sighed and rummaged through the drawers of his dresser and found the little book the therapist had gave him. 

_Dear diary,_

_I thought I was getting somewhere with Michael. Apparently not, I'm just there. I've always just been there. No one actually needs me. They never have. Why the hell did my brother find me? I don't want this. I don't want any of this..._

The ink further down the page became smudged with his tears, the blond boy threw the diary at the wall. His shoulders shaking with sobs, he didn't want to be here. He fumbled with the bandage around his wrist, trying to tug it off when the door opened. 

**// Okay so, I'm not sure how long this is because I updated using my phone. But I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was good enough, I may do a second update today. Although, I'm not sure. Any comments or ideas for the story can be sent to my tumblr; thirstyclemmings


	5. ;;Chapter four;;

The boy pulled Luke's hands away from himself and looked into his eyes, "Luke, stop it. You're going to hurt yourself." Michael spoke calmly, watching the blond before him. "Good!" He stammered, trying to push himself away from Michael. Why was he here? He'd been ignoring him and now he'd come in here, trying to stop him. Luke pressed himself against the wall, his forehead on his knees. The boy had never realized how much of an impact Michael actually had on him, "You n-need to stop promising me things i-if you're not going to stick to them," he whimpered, he sounded pathetic. He knew he did. But that didn't matter, he just wanted to realize that Michael was his anchor. That right now, in this place. Michael was what he needed to get through everything. The boy sniffled and looked up at Michael and for the first time, he realized that he was crying too. Michael wiped his eyes once he realized that Luke was looking at him.

"I'm sorry, I-I've never been good with promises. A-And, I thought that maybe you'd get better without me.." Michael explained, he looked at the broken boy in front of him and realized that maybe; just maybe he had feelings for this boy. Michael shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of the thoughts. He wiped his eyes before shuffling closer to Luke, "What do you want me to do, Luke? Name it, and I'll do it." For the first time in his life, he would stick with it. Michael had gone through a hard time when he was younger, he'd never gotten to the point where he tried to kill himself; he always wondered how much pain must someone be in emotionally for them to actually feel like the only way out was to end everything. Michael ran his fingers through his hair, chewing on his lip as he awaited Luke's decision. He glanced down and saw the diary, his name caught his eye but he tore his gaze away; that was Luke's personal posession. He couldn't go snooping around in it.

Luke sniffled and stared at Michael, was he being serious right now? "J-Just stay and don't replace me." All his life, Luke had been replaced. His friend, Calum- had replaced him with an older boy and managed to push him away. Calum had been the first person he texted before he tried to kill himself, he never did find out if he responded. Michael nodded, and shuffled beside Luke, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and pulling him against him. Luke tensed up slightly at first, not used to being held but soon relaxed into his arms. The boy sighed and stared at Michael, "Why do you come here? Then leave me alone for days?" He asked quietly, his voice was shaky, and somewhat hoarse. Mainly from the crying he had been doing, Luke had cried more in the last few weeks than ever before. He felt Michael rest his chin on the top of his head, fingers slowly dragging up and down his flannel covered arm. "Because... you remind me too much of myself," the elder answered truthfully, eyes closing as he awaited Luke's reaction. It wasn't as dramatic as he thought it would be, it was a slight nod and a sigh. "Sorry..." Luke mumbled, slowly wiggling away from Michael. 

The lilac haired boy pouted slightly, bottom lip jutting out as he watched him wiggle away. "Please, don't say you're sorry. It's not your fault," he spoke quietly, almost afraid that if he spoke any louder- Luke would run away. Although, Luke had no where to run too; they were in his room. His green hues followed the blond's movements, a slight smile tugging on his lips as he watched Luke going toward the record player he'd brought him a few weeks ago. "This is my favourite song on your CD," he spoke softly, Michael almost missed his words then music began to fill the room and the older boy couldn't help but smile. He knew it was odd to be smiling, especially with what the song stood for. 

_I never thought I'd die alone_

_I laughed the loudest who'd have known?_

_I traced the cord back to the wall_

_No wonder it was never plugged in at all_

_I took my time, I hurried up_

_The choice was mine I didn't think enough_

_I'm too depressed to go on_

_You'll be sorry when I'm gone..._

Luke sat beside Michael, "This is all I used to listen to when I decided I was going too..." his voice trailed off as he stared down at his hands. The boy looked at Michael and shrugged, his eyes glossy. "It's going to be okay now," Michael whispered, wrapping his arm around Luke's broad shoulders. And maybe, just maybe... Luke believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Okay so the song I used was Adam's Song by Blink-182  and it always makes me cry. Anyway, I want to try and get faster with updating so feel free to send prompts to my tumblr; thirstyclemmings or my Twitter; punklucass. I hope it was long enough, I'll try and update soon.


	6. ;;Chapter 5;;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //I didn't realise how long it had been since I last updated. I'm sorry for any mistakes and the length of it. Honestly, I'm trying to update more frequently but I started college last week and the amount of homework I have is ridiculous.

Luke had been more chirpy, even if it was only slightly more chirpy. For the first time since he'd arrived 3 months ago, he spoke to his therapist. He was surprised himself, but it helped. Slightly. They spent the hour discussing why Luke felt like he did those months ago. If he was honest, he still did get spells of feeling like nothing mattered- like he didn't even matter. To anyone.

"So, Lucas--" the threapist started, his eyes glancing over the blond boy before him. "I-It's Luke," he stammered, his tongue running across his bottom lip. The middle aged man nodded, before beginning again; "So Luke, how have you been feeling lately?" he asked, tapping his pen on the notebook. The boy shrugged, watching the mans notebook. Luke didn't know how to express how he was feeling, he never did. Not anymore. "I've been... fine," he said quietly, shrugging to himself and chewing on his lip. "Define, fine." The threapist said, his black biro tapping faster against the white paper. Luke began to talk when the door opened, "Carl, we need you out here. New patient." A women in a white uniform said, the threapist nodded and looked across at Luke. "I'm sorry, we'll have to cut it short today- we'll spend more time together next time I see you okay?" He asked, before getting up and briskly walking from his office. 

Luke had been in his room, gaze fixed onto the ceiling. He wanted to know who the new patient was, before he'd even had a chance to fully process the thoughts; his door opened. "Lucas, you have a new room mate, okay?" the nurse asked, her voice was too sweet, almost like she was feeling sympathetic although he had no idea why. Luke yawned and ran his fingers through his mess of blond hair, his eyes widening as he saw who walked in. The boy rubbed his eyes, but didn't say anything to Michael. At least not yet. The blond boy crawled under his blanket, facing the wall. He didn't want to ask anything the other boy didn't want to be asked; he just laid there, staring at the blank wall. The blond boy shut his eyes, it was comforting in a way- hearing Michael's breathing in the room. 

"Luke?" Michael asked quietly, poking the blond boys arm softly. Luke rubbed his eyes, slowly rolled over to face the other boy and blinking a couple of times. "Yeah?" he asked softy, chewing on his lip as he slowly sat up. Michael rubbed his forehead and glanced around the room, "Can I like...get in there... with you?" he asked quietly, shifting awkwardly on his feet. Luke had never noticed how deflated Michael looked, he nodded and lifted the blanket up slightly. Michael smiled slightly before he clambered into the tiny bed that Luke occupied; he could tell that Luke was confused as to why Michael was here and honestly... Michael didn't know either. He just felt like he needed to come back, again. He'd been here before, not that he'd ever tell Luke that. The blond beside him was supposed to trust him, rather than be worried that Luke will clam up if he told him what he really felt like. 

The blond boy nuzzled closer to the boy, his face nuzzling into the crook of Michael's neck even though they weren't a thing. He just enjoyed being close to the other boy, his hands slid under the back of his sweater and let his fingertips drag over Michael's spine. "You know, this might sound really really weird given the circustances and everything. But I'm glad you're here," the boy mumbled, closing his eyes. Michael frowned slightly before wrapping his arms tightly around the other boys waist, "I'm glad I got roomed with you." The red-haired boy mumbled, his face nuzzled into the top of Luke's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Okay so this is really short and I'm also sure that this really sucks. I'll try and update again soon. I guess I kinda just wanted to add something in to make it a bit more intresting


	7. ;;Chapter 6;;

It had been a week since Michael had admitted himself to the treatment center, and it seemed as though everything had gone backwards rather than forwards. Luke had become mute again, even with Michael; he just stared blankly at the older boy and nodded in response to his words. Michael sighed as he sat himself down on the bed, he couldn't do this: he couldn't shut Luke out. Not now that Luke had gotten like that again. It was a pattern, especially people who were selective mutes. They called up when everything got too hard, which s exactly why Luke was bundled under his thin covers, hands over his ears as he let out a soft whimper. He could hear Michael shuffling around and moving things and Luke? Well he didn't like it, but he wouldn't say anything. It was Michael. How was he supposed to say something to him? Michael sighed and managed to shift the small blond boy over so that he could somehow wiggle himself under the blankets beside the small boy. "I'll tell you when I'm here, if you make me a promise," he whispered, breath hitting the back of Luke's neck as he lay stock still. Luke slowly rolled over, eyes wide as he looked at the other male. The blond boy just shrugged and chewed on his lip, shuffling closer to the boy. Michael ran his fingers through the blond's hair, smiling slightly as the hair fell against his forehead. "You have to promise me, that you wont clam up okay? I like listening to your voice," he spoke softly, bumping his nose against the other boys. Luke couldn't help the small smile that tugged on his lips and he nodded softly, "Okay," he whispered, eyes flickering over Michael's face. 

 

** >> Michael POV **

I took a deep breath and looked at Luke, pressing a light kiss to the other boy's forehead. My heart beat faster as I tried to work out how to phrase my words; I couldn't think of a way to tell Luke why I was here without scaring him. I looked down at Luke, his wide blue eyes staring at me; they had an innocence in them that I didn't want to taint but he made me a promise and I needed to go with my side of the bargain. I slowly sat up and ran my fingers through his blond hair, then pulled him onto my lap. "Okay, so... It started when I was about 13-- I never had the best upbringing; my mum was a drinker, so of course- I started drinking it was nothing heavy until I was about 16 then I was drinking all the time. I dropped out of high school, and just spent the day drinking. It didn't really occur to me what I was doing until I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning." I stopped speaking to allow Luke to absorb what I told him, he shifted in my lap, blue eyes wide and searching my face before he nodded and I ran my finger's through his hair slowly. Although we weren't together, there was something about Luke that made me want to protect him; maybe it was the innocence in his eyes or how fragile he seemed but I wanted to make sure he was okay. "I've been here before, for being an alcoholic but I've been dry for a year-- then I have insomnia on top of that and it's gotten bad again and I was trying to deal with and I couldn't so I came back. That's why I stopped coming to see you but I've just been laying here at night," I told him quietly, running my fingers through my hair. Luke stared at me, his eyes glistening with tears as he cuddled further into me. "You should wake me up," he whispered, face nuzzled against my chest. His fingers curled into my shirt, I stared down at him and smiled to myself. All the time we'd spent together I had the overwhelming urge to protect him, maybe something more. 

**** >>Third person POV** **

The two boys curled up together on Michael's bed, Luke's fingers running along Michael's side; his eyes closing as he took a deep breath. The boy slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes and checking his watch. "I have to go to therapy," he huffed, running his fingers through his hair and slowly sliding off the bed. He tugged on a large sweater before sliding his phone into his pocket, and padding out the room. Michael nodded, watching as the younger boy let the room; his eyes looking around and spotting the leather book sticking out the bottom of the mattress. The boy slowly reached for the book and looked around, before opening it. His green eyes flickered over the words, eyes squinting slightly as he fought to read Luke's handwriting. His heart stopped as he read some of the words. 

_"Sometimes... I still want to die."_

_"I wonder if Michael actually cares... he comes and says he does but then he disappears. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?"_

_"I did it again... I'm such a fucking screw up."_

Michael pouted, before looking for a pen and chewing on his lip; doing this would show Luke that he'd read his diary but he couldn't sit here and do nothing. He was certain that he was falling for the boy, no matter how damaged they both were. Michael ran his tongue across his plump bottom lip, running his fingers through his hair before tugging the cap off the pen with his teeth. He looked around before scooting back against the headboard, and opening the diary properly. 

_"You don't want to die, you just don't know how to live yet, Lukey."_

_"You never did anything wrong, Luke. It was me, I just didn't know how to cope with everything, but I do care about you. So so much."_

_"If it's what I think, then please talk to me when you see this. I know you'll be mad. But you're really not a screw up, relapse happens sometimes and that's okay."_

After writing to a few of the sentences he'd read, Michael put the small leather book back where he found it and crawled into his own bed. He hadn't had a chance to have a therapy session yet so whilst he waited for Luke, he just stared at the ceiling; thinking of all the ways to make Luke realize how perfect he was. And right there, in that moment. He knew. He was falling for Luke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //I'm sorry for the jump in POV, I just thought it was more fitting for that Michael explaining why he's in the facility. So I'm sorry if that didn't make sense? I'm having difficulty with inspiration for this story; and i'm contemplating discontinuing it, so if you have any prompts my tumblr is: blinkhxmmo and my twitter is: punklucass


	8. NOTICE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck

**okay so i know it's been forever since i updated this story but i'm going to move it onto my new ao3 and hopefully i'll update a bit more. i'll make the chapters as long as i can. okay so my new ao3 is[over here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/palebrvsies) so i look forward to see all of you over there!!!**

**Author's Note:**

> This is only the prologue, so I promise that my chapters will be longer than this. Please leave comments and let me know if you think I should carry on.


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